Surrender and Humility.

So this week is going a lot better than last week. Last week, although not posted about here, was a real test of faith for me. I wanted to cry  cried my eyes out. I was DONE. I had had it. I couldn't take one more day, one more second! of homeschooling. The burden had just gotten too heavy. I desperately wanted to quit. I TRIED to find other options. I cried some more. I blubbered to my husband. I lamented to my friends.  I begged God for another option. I didn't want to have to shoulder the responsibility any more. That was it! It was TOO much. As I prayed, and cried(did I mention that?), I also sought the Lord. I asked my mother in law to pray for me and with me. I knew so many people who "know" what I was feeling were praying for me. What I finally realized was pointed out to me is this: I needed to surrender. It's always the big "hardships" in my life where I surrender. This situation is too, PRESENT. Too EVERYDAY. I guess it is the thing that I just think "Time to make the donuts"....and I do it. Poorly I must say. But it was "mine." What I heard (through the mouth of my MIL in conjunction with a real heart to heart with myself) the Lord saying, was this: "You must put even this into the Ocean of my Mercy. You can't do this on your own. Why are you clinging so tightly, yet so miserably to this?" It was this I needed to hear.

My Jesus says: ""Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

I am so very weary, Lord. How long O Lord, will my heart be hard? How long O Lord will I walk dragging my cross? Help me to cast my burdens at your feet. This is my daily prayer.

I have changed my perspective, and have been trying to surrender every morning and minute by minute! Additionally, I have successfully put away distractions until a healthy time. It has made the world of difference. (and my floor is mopped which is just an added bonus). Thank you for any prayers. I have indeed needed them. This year has been more challenging for me then I ever thought possible...and quite frankly, in comparison to some, my life seems like a breeze. I am keenly aware of that, which humbles me all the more. That is a fact, that if I let it, makes me feel very small. If I let it, I start to feel my efforts are seen as "not enough," I have often felt that "WHO I AM" falls short.  I am not enough. I have had a sense these past few months, that God is continually trying to strip me of pride, and detach me from desiring the approval of others. I sometimes feel that God has stripped me of a sense of "achievement" or even a sense of "pride" over some accomplishment, or even a sense of pride in one of my children, by having someone make a cutting remark about me, or "upping" an accomplishment.  He is using these opportunities like a refiner's fire. I think that has been a "theme" of this year. I feel deeply, that the scorn or "pokes" or quiet rebukes I have felt, is not a reflection of that particular person, but a gift of the Lord. A gift that is painful, humiliating, and sometimes saddening, but spiritually, is helping me to cling more to the Lord. I have felt grace in those moments, or sometimes in the moments following. I think He has enlightened me to "see" this refining.  He constantly tries perfecting me. It is in recognizing my weaknesses, or embracing difficult moments, that I have the opportunity to surrender. It becomes an opportunity to grow. To try again next time. Or for that chance of bearing something silently. To bow my head to the Lord, and say, "I know, I am not perfect yet." Or "You know my depths, Lord, and you know that my heart is in the right place, and if there is a correction needed, let me take it from you."
Lord, I am a tiny ship on your Ocean of Mercy. The storms come, the waves crash, but it is all Mercy. Let me, Lord, fall into that Ocean of Mercy with abandon. I will not be afraid!

Seriously...

 So, I am pretty sure there is nothing cuter than this. No really. Can you imagine a cuter thing? I took little Lady with me to the grocery store like this today. Oh boy. You seriously cannot imagine the joy that this little bonnet on such a pudgy cute face brought all the people in the store. --Except for that lady who was none to happy to move around a mom with an overflowing cart and 5 children in the store. And SHE was going up the WRONG way in the aisle. Seriously? Do you SEE how cute this baby is wearing this bonnet?! How do you continue to scowl? Why are you following the road rules of the UK? We are not across the pond. Move to your side of the aisle. I "may" have politely told her that it was going to be easier for her to go around me, than for me to maneuver my huge cart and 5 well-behaved children around her. Thanks! (insert syrupy smile). Oops. Well, it worked. My oldest told me it was rude, but I stand behind my polite request. And, anyway, when I bring such a pot of gold as this cute baby in her bonnet into the store, well, maybe I was walking a little proud.

Fun with Facts!

So I was inspired by this cute little worksheet that helps learn how to make 10. Maddie loved it, so I made a new one to show her how to make 11. Of course, with St. Patrick's Day being around the corner, I added a St. Patrick's day flair...with THREE-leaved shamrocks of course. I hope the original creator doesn't mind that I "mimicked"her work. I mean, imitation is the best form of flattery, right? So here it is if you were interested. Easy to make yourself too. :)

Colored and completed

Throw out the forks!!

Okay, not really, but this will make life easier. Wanna make your life Easier? Even if it only involves a SUPER easy way to shred chicken? Yes? Good, then lets begin. It'll only take a minute.

So, you have a recipe that calls for shredded chicken. Leftover chicken is always a good idea, BUT, sometimes, I am in the mood for something and just have a few breasts of raw chicken. SO, I cook it.

PLEASE NOTE: And this is another nod to my Granny: I NEVER just boil it. Never. You see, I grew up watching and smelling chicken be "poached." My granny threw all kinds of things in there...mostly what I remember is a glug or two of the big jug of wine from the fridge. Maybe some fresh herbs or something. Maybe some onion too. It doesnt really matter...just flavor up the water a bit. I usually throw in any leftover wine, any fresh herbs I have on hand, maybe a stalk of celery, a carrot...whatever floats your boat. Anyway, simmer those babies until done. Lots of people cook chicken in a crockpot and shred for recipes too.

Okay, so you want to know the trick I learned? Thanks to a random commenter on some random food recipe...wish I could source ya friend, but sorry...You throw your cooked chicken(sans bones) into the bowl of your stand mixer. (TRUST me, this "tip" is worth the extra dishes. ) Now, turn on mixer and TA DA--shredded chicken!!

It is so nicely shredded too! I am seriously so happy I tried this. Okay, now I will stop talking about shredding chicken. Have a great day.

Lent. Enough said.

A few weeks ago my husband asked the kids and I, "Who's excited for lent to start?"
I responded with an enthusiastic, "I aamm!" And I was. I was looking forward to that going "deeper," recommitting myself to daily devotional time, come "hell or high-water," or in my case, an early ringing alarm clock. I had a few "sacrifices" I had decided to give up, etc.

So, Ash Wednesday arrived. We had all our "Lentish" things in place. For us that means, we do some form of Lenten Journey paper, or poster. (A page where you fill in each day as a "check-mark" type thing.) We also re-purposed our Advent prayer intention-a-day idea, and filled a jar/vase with prayer intentions and sacrifices for the day. (Each family member filled out a certain number of prayer intentions and sacrifice ideas.) The idea is that this jar of sacrifices will turn into jellybeans at Easter. And of course we "buried" our Alleluias and each kid picked a sacrificed toy item that would not be seen till Easter, not even on Sundays. I had my devotionals all picked out, my "plan" in place. Some of the kids had started Lenten lapbooks...So, I was ready.

Wednesday was great. We fasted, we prayed, we received Ashes. It was great. Then, night fell. The baby was up. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. My 4 year old, was up 5 times. My alarm rang. It was morning... and I had to homeschool. Then it all hit the fan. I am not proud of my behavior that day...or maybe a few times since. You see, I had my own "plan for Lent. It involved my own tidy sacrifices. My own "way" of doing things. But my Heavenly Father, whom ALWAYS has a perfect plan, knew better. It was only after several days of near-to nervous breakdowns, that I realized...God's plan for me this lent may not include me waking up before the kids, having quiet prayer time so I can begin my day "my way." Instead, I learned, not every lent looks the same. Not every sacrifice we think is good is what God is asking of us. He says: "Rend your Hearts not your Garments." This is such a common thought for the beginning of lent. I have heard many a homily on this very thing. This year it rings true in a loud way. God wasn't/isn't asking me to give up certain things, although I will try and continue to die to myself in ways that present themselves to me. I feel he is asking me to go further. Especially if the "challenges" that have been all too obvious in my daily life have anything to say. God was/is asking something else from me...It is the sacrifice of my "sharp tongue" when I am tired. It is the sacrifice, of loving when I have had no sleep, and my head is pounding. It is the sacrifice of giving, even when I feel like there is nothing left to give. I mean there have been days...it's possible that yesterday was one of those days...that I have an absolute desire, no need, to just be alone, to not be in charge of so much. That even the smallest of my tasks looms above me like a mountain that I am required to climb. I was tired. Cranky. And I am sure I was far from a great example of holy motherhood...I am a weak woman. I make so many mistakes...but I fall back on a sweet promise of my Lord:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!^[a]

    His mercies never cease.

²³ 

Great is his faithfulness;

    his mercies begin afresh each morning.

²⁴ 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;

    therefore, I will hope in him!” Lamintations 3:22-24

Remembering this, I press on. I have to trust in his love and hope in his mercy. If I look forward to the next 30+ days of Lent, and furthermore, the next 11+ weeks I have left in the homeschooling year, I find my strength waning. I feel the burden of my life press upon me like a ton of bricks. But...What our Lord has reminded me is, it is in my weakness that He is strong. (I am not all that strong in my strengths, so I am more than happy to ride that promise out!) It reminds me of a song that one of my good friends used to strum on the guitar and sing in her sweet voice in our dorm rooms at college: A few verses went like this:

"You are the wine, I am the cup. I can do nothing till I am filled up...You are the wind, I am the sail, You are my strength and without you I fail. Breathe but a sigh, And I'll open wide, please gently fill me with you. Please gently fill me with you."

I remember a few years back, when I was so exhausted one time, upon waking, I just knelt by my bed, and prayed, "Well Lord, I am so exhausted, but I guess this is what you are asking of me. Please do it all for me today." And you know what? He did. I remember going to bed that night with far fewer regrets about screaming and yelling than I had when I relied on my own strength.

I think that is what this Lent has turned into for me. I think God is asking me to completely embrace my daily life and duties...but not on my own. To face the sometimes monumental-seeming tasks with his strength. With HIS love. What I have been reminded of, is that I don't have to have it all together. I don't have to be super mom, and super wife, and super (enter whatever it is that I am supposed to do superbly). I just have to be me, emptied out--So that he can be strong in my weaknesses.

I want to suggest a few things for devotional reading if you are looking. I started reading the In Conversation with God series, just prior to Lent. A good friend of mine suggested it. I love this book because I find that every time I get to reading it, I am blessed. It always says something pertinent to my life. The other book that I am loving right now is Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Father Michael Gaitley. The same friend suggested this book, and I am ever so glad she did. It is so beautiful. I have always had a great devotion to St. Therese the Little Flower, and over the past year or so, I have grown in a great devotion to St. Faustina, and this book combines both spiritualities in a beautiful way.  Both of these selections are wonderful ways to go "deeper" this Lent. In fact, they both helped to lead me to my "conclusions" above about this Lent.

This is only the beginning of Lent. I suspect I have had a good preview of what is to come. I am sure many of you have too. But, at least now I feel "armed" so to speak. I feel like the Lord has reminded me of the "way" to go. For that I am grateful. I pray that this Lent will bring each of us a little closer to our Blessed Lord. That we may willingly walk a little closer to him as he walks the road to Calvary. That we may find ways to console His Heart, and we may offer our small crosses to him moment by moment.

My OWN Zucchini Banana Bread!

This is a big step ladies and gents! I love baking. I often bake to make my family(and my stomach) happy! However, I am always looking for ways to make things slightly more healthy! I make a scrumptious Chocolate Chip Banana Bread(which i may post later) that is so decadent it is like a dessert. I have also made a yummy Zucchini Banana bread that was great, but I couldn't find that recipe over the weekend. SOOO, I took a look at some recipes in my binder (you know, that catch-all place that all my "favorites" land with all sorts of notes and changes in the margins), and I came up with this recipe. We were having my brother in law, and his lovely wife and two adorable kiddos over for dinner for a hearty beef stew. We are trying to eat healthier, so I didn't want to serve a "dessert" per se, so I thought I'd make whole wheat zucchini banana bread. (I made this again and it came out so moist and delicious, that I can't wait to wake up for coffee and a slice(or 10) of this. )

After I served it, it was described by my husband in this way: "When we move to a small farm(a dream of ours) we will set up a produce/bake stand, and you will sell this."
Well, if that is not a good review, I don't know what is. Here is the recipe for all those who may want it.
Go check out my "notes" below, too.

A few notes: 

If your bananas are super duper ripe, which usually means you can count on a bit more sweetness, I would tend to leave out a bit of the sweetening. I tend to just stick with the honey. If you like things a bit sweeter, go on and add that 1/2 cup of sugar with the honey...or up the amount of honey. I am sure you could use other sweetening agents as well. Also, if you have never used coconut oil before, it is usually solid at room temperature(see picture to the left). I just mic it a couple of seconds to melt it(no, i didn't nuke the metal measuring cup, I have bad memories of microwaving a pop tart in its foil wrapper...i digress). It gets incorporated better that way. Okay, I hope you try it. And more importantly, I hope you like it!

Chicken and Dumplings...and a feeling of "Home"

One of my all time favorite dinners as a kid was my Granny's Chicken and Dumplings. It oozes comfort when you eat it and smells like home when its cooking! This stuff is "down-home" cooking at its best! (Plus, I read somewhere that if you can make a good soup, you can cook anything. True? Who knows.)

Being at Granny's for dinner was always a treat. (And NOT just because you knew you had a good shot of following it up with some strawberries dipped in powdered sugar!--life was so simple as a kid!)
There were so many good dinners to look forward to, but after a crisp fall day, or on a freezing cold winter night, Chicken and Dumplings was the best.

When I got married, and prior when I was in college, as well, my Granny began giving me all sorts of recipes.  I made many of them in attempt to hone a skill that was now necessary in my life. Feeding myself, and my new husband! I would scour the recipes she sent me, in hopes of re-creating great meals of the past, and some tasty ones she would find from the latest cooking shows or magazines. Every time I cooked, I had questions. I called her frequently. In fact, I probably had her on speed dial. She, having been the "main" person who taught me what I knew about  most things food related, helped bring me into my own, while I attempted any number of foodstuffs.

One such time was a chilly fall evening, probably during my first year of marriage. I set out to attempt a lovely pot of chicken and dumplings. My husband, having not been born in Kentucky, aka the "south," was not too keen on the fact that I would not be putting noodles in his chicken soup. But I pressed on. I called Granny to ask her to tell me how to make Chicken and Dumplings, she gave me the recipe, walked me through everything, and I was off. I cut the veggies, put the seasonings in, the broth, chicken, etc. Now for the dumplings...SIDE NOTE: I had written out the recipe for "Drop biscuits/Dumplings." You just had to make few changes to achieve one over the other. Well, I mixed the dumplings(or so I thought), then dropped them by spoonful into my steaming soup, put the top on, waited 12 minutes--all the while hearing in my head, "do NOT take the lid off! Do NOT take the lid off for TWELVE minutes!!" Okay, so I didn't. While I waited I set our little table for two. Bowls, napkins, spoons, drinks. Good. BEEEP! The timer!

"It's ready, honey!" I say. We sit down. I take the lid off. Something is not right. My whole entire soup was filled with....a thick floury mess, not soft puffy dumplings. It was gross looking and it was inedible. I immediately begin to cry--I was a new wife. My husband, loving, caring man that he is. Says, "Oh, I am sure it will taste fine!" Well, it wasn't fine. I can't remember exactly what we did eat, but I do know that it wasn't chicken and dumplings!

I learned 2 things that night: 1)Don't try to make dumplings out of drop biscuits (and vice versa), and
2) always have a backup plan. Oh, and I don't think, even 11+ years later, I EVER put the lid on my pot after dropping my dumplings in, without throwing up a quick prayer to St. Zita, patron saint of homemakers. Ever.

Fortunately for me, and all those in my family, Chicken and Dumplings has turned from failure to a big success in my house. In fact, every one 3 out of the 4 "eating" children (Aidan will eat almost nothing that has anything green in it) LOVE this meal. It has even been requested as a birthday dinner! Now, you KNOW you hit the yummy dinner jackpot when that happens!

Granny's Chicken and Dumplings

The Soup:

3-4 ribs Chopped celery
3Chopped carrots(I like carrots in mine, so maybe i add extra)
1 chopped onion
Olive oil
Salt, Pepper
Seasonings(such as thyme, sage, tarragon, Poultry Seasoning) I
1 qt. Chicken Broth/Stock (Homemade is great, but not necessary)
Chicken, shredded or diced(to your preference--this is a great time to use leftover chicken, or rotisserie, but fresh is fine...just add and cook through, then remove to shred)

Sautee the vegetables in a soup pot(I use my Dutch oven, because we love each other, but you can just use a soup pot with lid) Olive Oil until soft
Season with salt, pepper, and seasonings(I like Poultry seasoning myself-although a blend of fresh and dried, is nice)

Add stock, and add shredded chicken(If raw, cook for about 15-20 minutes, or until cooked through). After the cooked chicken is added, check for salt and seasoning. I usually give a few more pinches of salt, pepper, and seasonings here. TASTE. You cant always depend on "amounts," you have to taste your food. That's why the old adage: "don't trust a skinny cook" exists, or maybe it's not, but you get the point. You can also add water at this stage. I find I had about half as much water as stock. But you can do one-to-one if you want. Simmer for about 15-20 minutes. Taste and season again. You are ready to add dumplings.

The DUMPLINGS(big yummy FLUFFY dumplings, no hard little flour balls here):

1 cup All Purpose Flour(Now, I am a BIG proponent of all things whole grain, but I dont mess with these)
2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3-1/2 cup milk(your "batter" should not be soupy...start with the lesser amount)
1 egg

Mix flour, baking powder and salt in medium bowl. Lightly beat egg and milk together. Pour the milk/egg into flour, and mix with a fork or spoon until just mixed. Don't over mix. Let sit for a minute or two. Then into your slightly bubbling soup, drop by tablespoonful into soup. Until batter is all gone. Your "surface" should have little lumps of batter covering it now(They'll float to the top after dropping them in).



IMPORTANT STEP: put lid on and DON'T REMOVE for 12 minutes. Set timer. (Here say your prayer to St. Zita. Go on, do it. Okay)
After your timer rings, take your lid off and see how beautifully puffy your dumplings are. You're welcome. They are tremendous things, aren't they?
(I have learned that I am not the best food photographer, so if this picture is not appetizing, I assure you, it is photographer error!)


Okay, now, ring the dinner bell and dig in!! You'll thank me, well my Granny, later.

A Challenge...to honor a wonderful woman!

My Granny is turning 90 this year! She has meant so much to me in my life. Her influences have helped to shape me into the woman I am today. She taught me to sew, and a love for all things crafty. She bred a true love and awe of nature in me. She always had interesting ideas to keep my mind moving, she took me on "historically fascinating" trips. I learned to re-use and recycle before it was in vogue, and before it had a color. She made me a lover of baking and gave me a strong foundation in cooking. And if you know me, you know that I am an awesome cook. Haha. Did I just say that out loud? Oops. 


In honor of my Grandmother, over the next few weeks, I will be highlighting some old recipes here that she taught me, as well as some fond memories I have of her. As I write different posts, I hope it will bring her joy to know what she means to me. I hope it might bring you into my past a little. It might help you to know a little more about who I am.


I am/was lucky abundantly blessed to have had a grandmother that took such an interest in my life(and the lives of my siblings). I can only hope to be 1/2 of the grandmother to my own grandkids someday, that she was/is for me. For now, I hope I am imparting love for some of the same things to my own children.

Cupcake Wars

As part of our homeschooling co-op, we do a spin on Food Network's Cupcake Wars. Thanks to a super neat mom, who thinks of all sorts of fun things to do, she instituted this fun event last year. (Interestingly enough, she also teaches a Forensics Class and a fun Geography Class that my kids love!) Anyways, it is our first year participating in the Cupcake wars at co-op, and each of the kids decided that they wanted to do it. (I can't say I shared their enthusiasm...But what the hey...we decided to jump in!)

After many days of scouring the internet, my oldest found "the" cupcake she wanted to do. A cute little beach scene complete with a sunbathing teddy bear. Aidan decided on little monsters, Mads chose cookie monsters, and Cait rounded out the competition with owls.

After a trip to walmart to procure all the necessary items, the kids painstakingly waited for their cupcakes to cool. We were ready to get started! But WAIT! There was one very important rule...MOMS CAN'T HELP! Wait, WHAT!?!? I can't help? Oookaaay...you mean, my four year old is to be given free reign in order to complete the cute little cupcake that we just spent precious time to pick out? I can't even cover that bare spot of cupcake top that makes the owl look like it has a receding hairline? NO? Okay. Well, for those that know me, letting go of control is a a wee little problem I have. But now that we have ungodly amounts of colored sugar, marshmallows spilling out of my pantry, and  countless Oreos have been perfectly separated, we decide to press on.

Third place winner, grade 3-5

Obviously, when you have 4 children that are going to attempt the most beautifully decorated baked creation ever, while trying to keep the nursing baby from screaming her head off, you decide to divide and conquer. Madeline went first.
Me: "okay sweetie, I will "model" this cupcake for you. Pay attention to the way I hold the cupcake, how much Icing I use, see...I just dip gingerly into the blue sugar? Ok, your turn.
Maddie has a go...I interrupt the procedure once or twice(or 13 times), to make a "suggestion" all without touching it, and without wincing. If you had forgotten, let me remind you, I have issues. Control issues to be exact(although that is clearly not at all exhaustive of a list of my issues, as my husband, friends, children will tell you.) Anyway, I digress. Madeline, even without my help, *gasp* made an adorable cookie monster cupcake.

Third place winner Pre-K-grade 2

Caitlin surprised me with her ability to completely ice a cupcake, apply big owly eyes, and a little beak. I was shocked. I know now, that I do not allow her to do all she is able to do! Lesson learned! Aidan decided on the cute little monster cupcakes below. A whole tray of these looks adorable...unfortunately they were not destined to win any prizes. :(

The "creating" scene was pretty much the same all around. Except for Anna of course. She really was awesome the whole way around and she needed little to no direction at all. Although, those darn paper umbrellas are ridiculously hard to find. I went to 4 different stores. Why don't people want to make themselves and their drinks fancy with a little paper umbrella? There were plenty of cocktail swords, little frilly toothpicks, but no umbrellas. Anyway, it was a close call, but Awesome Hubby and Father Extraordinaire showed up after going to another store and delivered them just prior so that Anna could adorn her cute little teddy bear with some much needed shade!

Well, we got to co-op and after much coaching and "remember, we are proud of our work no matter what" speeches, the kids turned in their creations. After a few short hours, the "judge" showed up...he was a guy who owns a local orchard/bakery shop. The votes are cast.......and they are in!

The winners are......drumroll please!!!!

Anna got THIRD in her category, grades 3-5, out of about 12-15 entries, and Caitlin took THIRD in her category, grades Pre-K -2, out of about 10-12 entries.  THEY WERE THRILLED! As was I, of course. Although, Aidan was sad.

All the kids were rewarded with the chance to sell the other 4 cupcakes they had decorated and brought, and of course they got to pick out and eat other people's creations. They were happy to see all their cupcakes sell out rather quick!

Okay, well this post was almost as exhausting as the cleanup of the cupcake decorations! I guess that sweet, cuddly cute baby of mine, and her keeping me up ALL NIGHT, is wearing on me. I need to get some sleep! Tomorrow is monday, which means, another week of homeschooling! It's not for the faint of heart people! But it sure is worth it. I pray that I may be an instrument of God's love to my husband and children this week. And I pray that you can too! Whether you homeschool or not, God Bless your week! A great reading at Mass today: 1 Corinthians 13. Read it today. It's more than just a good reading for a wedding(although it is that!)

A Heavenly Smell (unless you have the stomach bug)

Well folks, we have had a success! As you may remember, I have had a healthy obsession with learning how to make bread. Lucky for me, and my bread making endeavors, I have a bread machine. (Quite frankly, I still have no clue how to knead bread by hand...that is my next task). So to all those who actually do make bread, by hand, please do not take offense at my claim to have made a successful loaf of bread. I am, for all intensive purposes, keenly aware that I still do not know how to "make bread". So, that aside, I have been successful at putting the correct amounts of varying ingredients into the Bread machine, and selecting the correct cycle, and pushing start. Hooray for modern conveniences!! (BTW...This is more than I could claim a week or two ago!)

Now that I have you on the edges of your seats, I will let you in on my secrets! First, a digression. You may know that the smell of walking into a bakery where delicious loaves of bread are being baked, is one of the most pleasing on earth...at least to me. A joy of baking bread at home is that very luxury...smelling it while it cooks. That warm yeasty fragrance wafting up the stairs as you go to sleep...leads you to thoughts of delicious slices of bread slathered with butter. Unless, of course, you are cursed with a stomach virus that your 8 year old son, so lovingly passed on several hours before...then, it may just be the last straw before you toss your cookies! I don't recommend making even the most heavenly smelling loaf, if your usually ravenous son, is suddenly not hungry for one of his favorite dinners. I recommend just skipping this day for bread making, altogether. I will end by saying, that normally lovely warm yeasty smell, is just. not. pleasant. AT. ALL!  This however does NOT change the fact that when I was able to peel myself out of bed, I found the most delicious fluffy loaf of bread waiting for me downstairs. And how lucky for me, that one of the suggested "post-stomach virus" foods is dry toast!

Now, onto the recipe!
The version I based my bread on was called AMISH FLUFFY WHOLE WHEAT BREAD. I made a few adjustments, so I will just put them into the recipe instead of original amounts.

First, something I have learned about bread machine "recipes" you find online: Not all bread machines bake bread the same way...and each bread machine yields different results. This may seem obvious, but if you are like me...you may rely on reviews of different things to choose recipes, but this is hit or miss. Anyway, I learned a lot from this post at the Hillbilly Housewife.  It tells you some basics about bread making in a bread machine vs. hand-making bread...this is important for amounts of ingredients, etc. Take a look if you feel so inclined!

Okay onto the recipe....really this time.

Ingredients:
Wet:
18 TBS. Warm water (This is 1 cup plus 2 TBS.)(think baby's bath water, you know test it on your wrist--too hot will kill the yeast, too low, wont activate it properly)
1 tsp. Salt (necessary for proper rising)
1/3 cup honey (you can use other sugars...necessary to activate yeast)
3 TBS. Olive Oil (any oil should work, canola, coconut, butter)
1 large, fresh egg, ROOM TEMPERATURE
Dry:

3 cups Whole Wheat Bread flour (I used Great River Organic Milling, Organic Whole Wheat Bread Flour)

1 pkg. active yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)

In my bread machine(Breadman Ultimate Plus), this is how to assemble your ingredients(CHECK YOUR MANUALS---there are different ways to do this: it varies by machine)

1. Place all wet ingredients in bread machine "basket" This includes: water, Salt, Honey(or other sugar), Olive Oil, Egg slightly beaten.
2. Add flour on top of the wet, forming a "seal." You should not "see" the wet ingredients. You don't want the wet ingredients to hit the yeast in other words, before it's time.
3. Make a small "divot" on top of your flour(not too deep...don't break the seal!) Pour your yeast in your little hole. 

4. Now, select the "whole wheat" cycle on your machine. I chose "light crust." PRESS START

5....HERE IS THE TRICK... when the dough has RAISED ONECE and the 2nd kneading cycle has begun, turn the machine OFF. Then RESET at the "whole wheat cycle" Light Crust again. AND PRESS START. This is a very weird step...but trust me on this...this allows the dough two full rising cycles before the final raising prior to baking, which, in turn, makes the bread super duper fluffy and yummy. 

Now, if you have made Whole Wheat bread before, you know that it can tend to be dense, this yields a beautifully fluffy loaf of bread, toasts nice, and has a nice yeasty quality to it. It can actually be used to make sandwiches. It is lovely. Give it a go!

Next time, maybe I will post pics of the making of the bread. If I can remember...let's be honest, that may be unlikely. :)

A Whole New Chapter

Many days Two years have gone by since I last took the opportunity to get my thoughts on paper, well screen. You know what I mean. As I read back on the post I last posted, I am transported back to that turmoil I was living. It was such a tumultuous and seemingly gargantuan decision. Alas, I came through it in one piece...and so did our little homeschool. :) 

To bring you up to speed, almost EXACTLY 2 years has passed since my last post. That is weird. I got the itch to start writing again. I don't know why, but here goes. Since that day 2 years ago, we have come a long way...in my humble opinion. Last year we tried out a hybrid homeschooling situation, and while it fit for that year, we are back home full time this year! We are happily(well, in the effort to be transparent, some of us may, on occasion, be described as...hmmm...less than happy, but, hey, we all have bad days, right;) homeschooling all FIVE (yes! Baby makes 5!!) of our little blessings. And boy were we blessed by our sweet baby! She joined us in August and we couldn't be happier. Now, of course, her homeschooling consists of cuddles and coos, but those are the best kind of life skills, right? Little lady, she's 4 and adds tons of trouble  joy to our day. The big kids, they are all working hard. But, heck, any homeschooler will tell you, late january brings the winter blues, big time! It's the season of second guessing choices and progress, of wondering if you are doing enough, if your kids are going to measure up. Well, I can honestly say, we are doing our best. And, quite frankly, am pleased with what I see. Sure, I beat myself up when I start the comparison game. But, I am proud of the progress we have made. What gets tough, is when I realize, that we need to add more. And God forbid, I hope it is NOT flashcards. But of course, you know it is flashcards! I mean, math facts are the bane of my existence! At least until the child learns them...which sometimes seems will NEVER happen. But I digress. Actually, if we are going to talk bane of my existence...we talk potty training. But I am not going to go there. period.

In other news...I have started making my own bread. (To be honest, that last statement is really just to help me feel better about my disorderedly large purchase...more on that later though.) That is...I am absolutely determined that I WILL bake the bread my family eats from now on. Don't ask me why. But I am a woman on a mission. i have made about 8 loaves of bread in the past week or so. Maybe 2 weeks. Of the 8, maybe 2 were edible. Seriously, two. I mean, how stinking hard can making bread be? I have scoured the internet looking for recipes. First, I was just getting well reviewed recipes, and trying to make them in my bread machine. Well, for those of you who know better, you can stop shaking your heads...I did NOT in fact know that there were different proportions for the Bread Machine. I do now. ANyway, finding 100% whole wheat bread recipes that you home-make, and want to turn out like light fluffy sandwich bread that doesn't taste like a cardboard box, is not as easy as you might think. I finally got my first loaf to at least "look" right. It tasted ok(a little dense and somewhat doughy). That's all. Ok. Well folks, if you know me at all, you know that telling me something tastes "ok" is about as equivalent as a kick in the teeth. I don't make things that taste "ok" and stand for it. Maybe that is why I am on a mission. I don't want to suck at making bread. And for all intensive purposes, I SUCK at making bread right now! Well, I think my next trick will be to try and knead by hand. I literally have NO IDEA what I am doing. Like instead of conversing with my human friends last week, I was looking up youtube videos on how to make bread. I have a problem. I "may" have ordered a 25lb. bag of organic whole wheat bread flour. And by "a 25 bag" I "MAY" mean TWO 25 lb. bags of flour. For those of you wondering if you read that right, yes, I did in fact, say that I ordered 50 lbs. of flour! 50 POUNDS OF FLOUR!!! I must think I am running a bakery. I don't even eat that much bread. See?! Crazy obsession. I have issues. 

Okay, my kids have a class we have to get to in the morning. And did I mention my baby doesn't sleep. No?  Oh well, there you have it...Mama is tired. Good night! Sweet dreams!