Unfortunately, I wish this was a more "tutorial" and less "HELP ME LORD" type post...but alas...I guess I just have to get it on paper screen and try to sort this all out.
I've been on a journey of Restoration from burnout. As mentioned in the last few posts. It has been a bit of retreat, a bit workshop, and a lot of spiritual legwork. It is funny, my sister in law "themed" her lent this year as a year she was going to "Dig Deeper." And while I thought it was a really great jumping off point, I didn't really give it a lot of deep(yeah, i went there) thought. I sort of began Lent with the intention of drawing close to the Lord, and through prayer and sacrifice, I hoped it would be fruitful. So this idea of "dig deeper" was her thing, in my estimation. However, God had much different plans. In fact, he decided that "digging deep" was going to be JUST what he had in store for me.
In all areas of my life, the topsoil has been turned over.
- Homeschooling(I want to SIMPLIFY) And THIS is where my title comes in! HOW do I properly simplify?? It is a hard time for me to "change" things up, because, quite frankly, I am tired...tired of the repetition, tired of the "get er done" attitude, and if I am really honest...I feel lazy in some areas. Like I am weary of the "fight" of certain things. But is that weariness going to lead me to "give up?" I don't want to give up a bunch of stuff, overhaul the curriculum, let the check list go, all under the guise of simplification. It could so easily become, ME, and not GOD. That is why I truly NEED to figure this out. I want to SURRENDER, to give OVER what I am trying to control, while not feeling like I am "throwing all caution to the wind!" In other words, surrender responsibly. Oh boy...I am NOT at all sure that that is what I am going for....So lets back up, I want to surrender. PERIOD. Yes, much better. But the steps to this are getting me, and therein lies the problem. I will wait upon the Lord on this...and hope he shows me.
- curriculum(Are these the right choices...is there PEACE here?) This goes back to simplifying, trusting, knowing that it is God who I am trying to please.
- attachments(both worldly, sentimentally, and spiritually--(which begs detachment---which, in turn begs the question of healing in that area)) I want a well ordered and simple home environment.
- ill-fitting yokes, what are they? which ones are they? how to figure that out?...are they of God? are they not mine to carry? Again, praying this through.
- What are the "big" goals in my life...what SHOULD they be...what are the steps God is asking me to make TOWARD those goals.
Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat;r but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
--John 12:24
I feel that I am walking through this journey, seemingly full of unknowns, and dark corners I can't quite get a good look at, but as I walk, it is as if I am rising from the ashes. There is beauty just around the corner. In fact, there is beauty in this moment, right before the shoot pushes through. In other words, there is joy in the journey.
