"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
I tend to focus on my "daily." I tend to look into the everyday things i might be carrying. So, naturally, I turn to our school day, and ask the question there. But I struggle. I stop at this. I can't decide if I in my weariness want to "throw off" yokes that I dislike, out of an "I'm sick of the monontany/weariness" or even an excuse to be lazy. How do I discern? How can I move forward? I mean, I BELIEVE in the curriculum we are doing, I WANT my children to memorize things, I WANT them to know their catechism. The practice of it drives me BATTY.
For different reasons, my husband and I didn't "get to" this conversation this past weekend. Other than a passing comment or two, it just didnt happen. I am also a little afraid, that he'll say, oh "homeschooling" is the burden you need to lay down. He sees my weariness, my burnout so to speak. And it doesn't help that the Ice Queen will not stay her ferocious finger to relieve us from this everlasting winter!
So if I move on from there, where else could the Lord be asking me to search for ill-fitting yokes? What else am I carrying that may not be mine to carry? Emotional burdens? Outside activities?
This all really begs the question: What is the best way to discern? This has always been somewhat of a stumbling block for me. I feel that I pray and pray, and just continue doing what I think. There are marked moments that I feel a certain peace. A "knowing" that God has pointed me to one thing or another. And most other times, I am sort of stepping forward, with my teeth clenched hoping the ground doesn't give way.
In a book I read, (a current favorite of mine that I still pick up every few days or weeks) Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr. Mike Gaitley, he describes several ways to discern spirits. One of the ways that sticks with me is this: "Don't 'Run!'" In essence, he says a trick of the Devil is to use this sense of urgency...to make us feel, I HAVE TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW! Whether it is a a life change, or an impulse, he attempts to send us off and running without our reason, and without the Lord. Oftentimes, I try and "sleep on" something if I am feeling an overwhelming sense of urgency about a decision, or an "I need to do this RIGHT NOW" feeling. We feel frantic and rushed. We feel, life just will not go on if we don't do whatever this thing is NOW.
Another point Gaitley makes is, when in a time of desolation do NOT change a decision! For a homeschool mom, that MIGHT just be February, or March in the case of the never ending winter. I recently told a mama new to homeschooling this year, seeing the sheer exhaustion in her face, and her eyes telling me she was looking for the nearest school to send her kindergartner, that the first rule in Homeschooling is to NEVER, EVER make a decision about quitting homeschooling in February or March. Now, maybe that is not an absolute, but it rings pretty true! He says that if you have made a decision in a time of peace and consolation, you should not undo the decision when in the midst of trouble.
That being said, sometime there MAY be a need to simplify, to reconsider if we are suffering from burnout. I feel a sense of peace when thinking of simplification. I felt a sense of excitement when I prayed through the idea of schooling from the state of rest. As if there was a goodness that was about to burst through and flood like a light into my life. I trust that the Lord is walking me through all of this. I know his hand is on me.
