A week in review, and a moment of gratitude

I am thinking back on my week and seeing so many intertwining threads. From different Mass readings that coincide with the material of the Restore workshop, to different blogs that I am currently reading to help with teaching from the state of rest, that are reinforcing things that God has brought to my heart. I feel that when things echo and re-echo thoughts and ideas in my daily life, it is God's way of saying "Pay attention!" And "Since you sort of didn't listen to this or hear this the first time...here it is again in a new way."

The idea of "rest." I sort of just thought, "I dont need ACTUAL sleep and rest. My baby pretty much sleeps through the night(although last night, she was up a few times). God must be talking to me about a more abstract idea of rest, as in surrender, trust, leaving anxiety and fear to him...etc." But as the days went by this week, I found myself dealing with chronic headache/migraine pain, dizzines, and then bouts of nausea, all associated with these headaches. Now, I have been dealing with the chronic headaches for almost a month. A small daily cross, that most CERTAINLY adds to the irritability of our homeschool day  this homeschool mom. I tend to be unable to peacefully deal with the noise, chaos and continuous nagging loving reminders that are necessary to maintain some semblance of order, routine, and academic accomplishment. But, after a small respite from the majority of the symptoms over last weekend, they came back in full force. I don't take it as a coincidence that Tuesday's post over in Restore was about true resting...as in GO, take a nap. I sort of poo-pooed it, and went on with my day. That was at about 6am. Then 9am rolls around, bringing with it a wicked headache, dizziness, nausea, and overall uncomfortableness. I pushed through the rest of the morning. My dear husband, who, amazingly, is NOT traveling, EVEN at the end of the quarter!! (I'd say Alleluia, but it's lent, and we've put that expression away till Easter!) was working from home and offered to run all the kids to their respective activites of music lessons and preschool. So it was, about noon, my daughter made lunch, and I got to have peace and quiet. The next day, again around 10-12 another wicked headache showed up, with the same accompanying discomfort, and my son said, "Mom, I got this(speaking of some tidying I was doing), you go lie down and rest!"
To top it all off, after a somewhat dissappointing doctor's visit yesterday, my sister-in-law calls to see if she can take my kids to our homeschool co-op so I can, you guessed it, REST! So, no, the irony is not lost on me. God wants me to HEED what he is saying to me. Rest, my daughter. And so, as I sit here and reflect on all the things I have read and prayed about this week, I am trying to take care of myself, to rest. And that being said, my little love is down for a nap, my other 4 are not here, and I am going to rest.

Gratitude

There is a challenge to begin a gratitude journal, and take time at the end of each day and journal, with words or pictures, at least five things for which I am grateful.

My five from yesterday were these:

1)

and http://www.amongstlovelythings.com/

These two resources have breathed a life into my otherwise overwhelming life. I feel the tools to begin to dig deeper into my life and the burnout that I have been experiencing have been given to me.

2) For my son, who upon seeing my discomfort, offered to sweep and load the dishwasher, and help keep an eye on things so I could rest and try to alleviate my migraine. 

3)For a peace-filled homeschooling day. A day after which I can sleep well knowing I am not ashamed. For being able to simplify my day.

4) For Spaghetti and Meatballs. It was a comfort food kind of night, and not something I often allow myself...pasta that is.

5) Iced Jasmine Green Tea. I am not sure what it says about me that two of my gratitude items are food and drink. But they both brought a breath of comfort this day. 

Path to Restoration

I have begun a journey this Lent. Before embarking, I was unsure what the journey held. I still do not have the whole picture. I only knew, that I was stepping out in faith, and that I was going to take it on with both hands.
In the first two days of reflections and materials, as well as the resources to which I am pointed, namely here, I feel the Lord is sprouting a seed of hope. Something, I am not sure just what yet, is blooming. I feel it. I see it when I close my eyes. I feel a sweet breath being blown into my heart. It has to do with freedom. With homeschooling, yes, but not entirely. It makes me want to sing an old song that brings me back to my Franciscan Summer Conference days with jim Cowan leading worship:

There's a wind a-blowing, 

All across the land.

Mercy winds from Heaven,

Blowing once again.

Don't know where it comes from,

Don't know where it goes,

but let it blow over me.

O Sweet Wind, Come and blow over me!

I can't say I "feel" prayer often. In fact, dryness has been a companion for much of my life...admittedly, however, I probably fueled that so-called dryness with complacency. Upon further reflection, the times in which I am fervently seeking God, especially through a thorough commitment to waking up early to carve out quiet time with the Lord, I have known Him to be speaking to me. More importantly, I have KNOWN him. His presence. 

I am a reader. I am a writer. I guess the written word in all forms speaks to me, is a part of me. Not in the sense that I will ever publish books. When i commit to it--the reading, the writing, the journaling-- i feel a connection with God. That sounds weird, and I only mean that in a strange sense. I think it helps me to break down barriers I often stand behind. 

I'll end with a quote or two that have been integral to me in the past few days:

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own' or "real" life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life- the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls ones' 'real life' is a phantom of one's own imagination." 

-C.S. Lewis

 "This is the first lesson for the Christian wife and mother today: to let go of what may once have been- and under other circumstances might now be- a recollected self, and take on, with both hands, the plan of God. The whole business of serving God becomes simply a matter of adjusting yourself to the pressures of existing conditions."

-Hubert Van Zeller

I'd love to point anyone interested to a series on homeschooling(although every bit as apropos for mothering as well) from the state of rest. It is a poignant look at how we approach our daily life. I needed this right now. It is so distinctly what I am dealing with. It is written about on Sarah's blog: Amongst Lovely Things.