Cast your nets, just one more time.

The gospel today: Luke 5:1-11, the story about Jesus telling Simon to throw his nets in the water even after fishing all night to no avail, and coming up with your nets full and teaming with fish...to the point of breaking...makes me ponder. 

 I often feel I've been at this homeschooling thing to no avail. I question where my kids are academically, am I doing everything wrong, am I up to the task of shouldering this huge responsibility that is my children's education? Sometimes this feeling doesn't set in right away when the kids are younger. For me it comes when the kids start getting into 4th, 5th, 6th grades...when the pressures of comparison start sinking in, self doubt is the rule of the day. I find myself saying with Peter, "Lord, I've been working all "night," but I guess I'll throw that net over one more time." I get the feeling that Peter was not so sure about what the outcome would be. In fact, when he pulls the nets in, almost to the point of breaking for the amount of fish, he declares, 

"When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said,

“Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”

Seems to me, he shares that cynical feeling, that lack of faith that is, for us, the hindrance of God's grace in so many of our lives. But Simon pushes through that, and throws his nets over anyway, even as he "knows" that he has already done this, with nothing to show for it. In fact, after he went ahead, despite any misgivings he may have had, any doubts, he threw those nets over AGAIN, and to his astonishment, the results were beyond anything for which he could have hoped.

This spoke to my heart as I head for the beginning of a new school year with the children. It is a year that has me part excited for the ways I hope to change things up, but mostly very anxious. I feel the Lord saying to me, "I know you have been throwing your net, in some cases, every day for years, but throw it again. Like Simon, I think to myself, wearily, "Ok Lord...I'll do it again," but I have to be prepared to be astonished as my Lord does amazing things. It bolsters my spirit as the Word of God comes to me now, in this moment before embarking upon another school year, one which is coming with a good bit of anxiety. It is a reminder that His word has so much life for me. In fact, in the almost 2 weeks of vacation and decidedly "turning off" from thinking about schooling, I have heard encouragement again and again through scripture and morning prayer. 

Why is it that we go through life, relying on the wisdom of man? Our logic, our rationalized thinking? If I can just accept what God has brought me for TODAY, not next week or month or the year at a whole, I can do just about anything. For it is as the quote on my fireplace mantle reminds me, 

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

 In many of Jesus' miracles, the offering of the person in comparison to what Christ gives in return, is miniscule. An empty net, coupled with a willingness to trust. A small basket of loaves and fishes. It's my prayer that I can at least throw my empty net, my small basket of loaves and fishes, then, to be small enough to let the Lord astonish me.