A Challenge...to honor a wonderful woman!

My Granny is turning 90 this year! She has meant so much to me in my life. Her influences have helped to shape me into the woman I am today. She taught me to sew, and a love for all things crafty. She bred a true love and awe of nature in me. She always had interesting ideas to keep my mind moving, she took me on "historically fascinating" trips. I learned to re-use and recycle before it was in vogue, and before it had a color. She made me a lover of baking and gave me a strong foundation in cooking. And if you know me, you know that I am an awesome cook. Haha. Did I just say that out loud? Oops. 


In honor of my Grandmother, over the next few weeks, I will be highlighting some old recipes here that she taught me, as well as some fond memories I have of her. As I write different posts, I hope it will bring her joy to know what she means to me. I hope it might bring you into my past a little. It might help you to know a little more about who I am.


I am/was lucky abundantly blessed to have had a grandmother that took such an interest in my life(and the lives of my siblings). I can only hope to be 1/2 of the grandmother to my own grandkids someday, that she was/is for me. For now, I hope I am imparting love for some of the same things to my own children.

Cupcake Wars

As part of our homeschooling co-op, we do a spin on Food Network's Cupcake Wars. Thanks to a super neat mom, who thinks of all sorts of fun things to do, she instituted this fun event last year. (Interestingly enough, she also teaches a Forensics Class and a fun Geography Class that my kids love!) Anyways, it is our first year participating in the Cupcake wars at co-op, and each of the kids decided that they wanted to do it. (I can't say I shared their enthusiasm...But what the hey...we decided to jump in!)

After many days of scouring the internet, my oldest found "the" cupcake she wanted to do. A cute little beach scene complete with a sunbathing teddy bear. Aidan decided on little monsters, Mads chose cookie monsters, and Cait rounded out the competition with owls.

After a trip to walmart to procure all the necessary items, the kids painstakingly waited for their cupcakes to cool. We were ready to get started! But WAIT! There was one very important rule...MOMS CAN'T HELP! Wait, WHAT!?!? I can't help? Oookaaay...you mean, my four year old is to be given free reign in order to complete the cute little cupcake that we just spent precious time to pick out? I can't even cover that bare spot of cupcake top that makes the owl look like it has a receding hairline? NO? Okay. Well, for those that know me, letting go of control is a a wee little problem I have. But now that we have ungodly amounts of colored sugar, marshmallows spilling out of my pantry, and  countless Oreos have been perfectly separated, we decide to press on.

Third place winner, grade 3-5

Obviously, when you have 4 children that are going to attempt the most beautifully decorated baked creation ever, while trying to keep the nursing baby from screaming her head off, you decide to divide and conquer. Madeline went first.
Me: "okay sweetie, I will "model" this cupcake for you. Pay attention to the way I hold the cupcake, how much Icing I use, see...I just dip gingerly into the blue sugar? Ok, your turn.
Maddie has a go...I interrupt the procedure once or twice(or 13 times), to make a "suggestion" all without touching it, and without wincing. If you had forgotten, let me remind you, I have issues. Control issues to be exact(although that is clearly not at all exhaustive of a list of my issues, as my husband, friends, children will tell you.) Anyway, I digress. Madeline, even without my help, *gasp* made an adorable cookie monster cupcake.

Third place winner Pre-K-grade 2

Caitlin surprised me with her ability to completely ice a cupcake, apply big owly eyes, and a little beak. I was shocked. I know now, that I do not allow her to do all she is able to do! Lesson learned! Aidan decided on the cute little monster cupcakes below. A whole tray of these looks adorable...unfortunately they were not destined to win any prizes. :(

The "creating" scene was pretty much the same all around. Except for Anna of course. She really was awesome the whole way around and she needed little to no direction at all. Although, those darn paper umbrellas are ridiculously hard to find. I went to 4 different stores. Why don't people want to make themselves and their drinks fancy with a little paper umbrella? There were plenty of cocktail swords, little frilly toothpicks, but no umbrellas. Anyway, it was a close call, but Awesome Hubby and Father Extraordinaire showed up after going to another store and delivered them just prior so that Anna could adorn her cute little teddy bear with some much needed shade!

Well, we got to co-op and after much coaching and "remember, we are proud of our work no matter what" speeches, the kids turned in their creations. After a few short hours, the "judge" showed up...he was a guy who owns a local orchard/bakery shop. The votes are cast.......and they are in!

The winners are......drumroll please!!!!

Anna got THIRD in her category, grades 3-5, out of about 12-15 entries, and Caitlin took THIRD in her category, grades Pre-K -2, out of about 10-12 entries.  THEY WERE THRILLED! As was I, of course. Although, Aidan was sad.

All the kids were rewarded with the chance to sell the other 4 cupcakes they had decorated and brought, and of course they got to pick out and eat other people's creations. They were happy to see all their cupcakes sell out rather quick!

Okay, well this post was almost as exhausting as the cleanup of the cupcake decorations! I guess that sweet, cuddly cute baby of mine, and her keeping me up ALL NIGHT, is wearing on me. I need to get some sleep! Tomorrow is monday, which means, another week of homeschooling! It's not for the faint of heart people! But it sure is worth it. I pray that I may be an instrument of God's love to my husband and children this week. And I pray that you can too! Whether you homeschool or not, God Bless your week! A great reading at Mass today: 1 Corinthians 13. Read it today. It's more than just a good reading for a wedding(although it is that!)

A Heavenly Smell (unless you have the stomach bug)

Well folks, we have had a success! As you may remember, I have had a healthy obsession with learning how to make bread. Lucky for me, and my bread making endeavors, I have a bread machine. (Quite frankly, I still have no clue how to knead bread by hand...that is my next task). So to all those who actually do make bread, by hand, please do not take offense at my claim to have made a successful loaf of bread. I am, for all intensive purposes, keenly aware that I still do not know how to "make bread". So, that aside, I have been successful at putting the correct amounts of varying ingredients into the Bread machine, and selecting the correct cycle, and pushing start. Hooray for modern conveniences!! (BTW...This is more than I could claim a week or two ago!)

Now that I have you on the edges of your seats, I will let you in on my secrets! First, a digression. You may know that the smell of walking into a bakery where delicious loaves of bread are being baked, is one of the most pleasing on earth...at least to me. A joy of baking bread at home is that very luxury...smelling it while it cooks. That warm yeasty fragrance wafting up the stairs as you go to sleep...leads you to thoughts of delicious slices of bread slathered with butter. Unless, of course, you are cursed with a stomach virus that your 8 year old son, so lovingly passed on several hours before...then, it may just be the last straw before you toss your cookies! I don't recommend making even the most heavenly smelling loaf, if your usually ravenous son, is suddenly not hungry for one of his favorite dinners. I recommend just skipping this day for bread making, altogether. I will end by saying, that normally lovely warm yeasty smell, is just. not. pleasant. AT. ALL!  This however does NOT change the fact that when I was able to peel myself out of bed, I found the most delicious fluffy loaf of bread waiting for me downstairs. And how lucky for me, that one of the suggested "post-stomach virus" foods is dry toast!

Now, onto the recipe!
The version I based my bread on was called AMISH FLUFFY WHOLE WHEAT BREAD. I made a few adjustments, so I will just put them into the recipe instead of original amounts.

First, something I have learned about bread machine "recipes" you find online: Not all bread machines bake bread the same way...and each bread machine yields different results. This may seem obvious, but if you are like me...you may rely on reviews of different things to choose recipes, but this is hit or miss. Anyway, I learned a lot from this post at the Hillbilly Housewife.  It tells you some basics about bread making in a bread machine vs. hand-making bread...this is important for amounts of ingredients, etc. Take a look if you feel so inclined!

Okay onto the recipe....really this time.

Ingredients:
Wet:
18 TBS. Warm water (This is 1 cup plus 2 TBS.)(think baby's bath water, you know test it on your wrist--too hot will kill the yeast, too low, wont activate it properly)
1 tsp. Salt (necessary for proper rising)
1/3 cup honey (you can use other sugars...necessary to activate yeast)
3 TBS. Olive Oil (any oil should work, canola, coconut, butter)
1 large, fresh egg, ROOM TEMPERATURE
Dry:

3 cups Whole Wheat Bread flour (I used Great River Organic Milling, Organic Whole Wheat Bread Flour)

1 pkg. active yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)

In my bread machine(Breadman Ultimate Plus), this is how to assemble your ingredients(CHECK YOUR MANUALS---there are different ways to do this: it varies by machine)

1. Place all wet ingredients in bread machine "basket" This includes: water, Salt, Honey(or other sugar), Olive Oil, Egg slightly beaten.
2. Add flour on top of the wet, forming a "seal." You should not "see" the wet ingredients. You don't want the wet ingredients to hit the yeast in other words, before it's time.
3. Make a small "divot" on top of your flour(not too deep...don't break the seal!) Pour your yeast in your little hole. 

4. Now, select the "whole wheat" cycle on your machine. I chose "light crust." PRESS START

5....HERE IS THE TRICK... when the dough has RAISED ONECE and the 2nd kneading cycle has begun, turn the machine OFF. Then RESET at the "whole wheat cycle" Light Crust again. AND PRESS START. This is a very weird step...but trust me on this...this allows the dough two full rising cycles before the final raising prior to baking, which, in turn, makes the bread super duper fluffy and yummy. 

Now, if you have made Whole Wheat bread before, you know that it can tend to be dense, this yields a beautifully fluffy loaf of bread, toasts nice, and has a nice yeasty quality to it. It can actually be used to make sandwiches. It is lovely. Give it a go!

Next time, maybe I will post pics of the making of the bread. If I can remember...let's be honest, that may be unlikely. :)

A Whole New Chapter

Many days Two years have gone by since I last took the opportunity to get my thoughts on paper, well screen. You know what I mean. As I read back on the post I last posted, I am transported back to that turmoil I was living. It was such a tumultuous and seemingly gargantuan decision. Alas, I came through it in one piece...and so did our little homeschool. :) 

To bring you up to speed, almost EXACTLY 2 years has passed since my last post. That is weird. I got the itch to start writing again. I don't know why, but here goes. Since that day 2 years ago, we have come a long way...in my humble opinion. Last year we tried out a hybrid homeschooling situation, and while it fit for that year, we are back home full time this year! We are happily(well, in the effort to be transparent, some of us may, on occasion, be described as...hmmm...less than happy, but, hey, we all have bad days, right;) homeschooling all FIVE (yes! Baby makes 5!!) of our little blessings. And boy were we blessed by our sweet baby! She joined us in August and we couldn't be happier. Now, of course, her homeschooling consists of cuddles and coos, but those are the best kind of life skills, right? Little lady, she's 4 and adds tons of trouble  joy to our day. The big kids, they are all working hard. But, heck, any homeschooler will tell you, late january brings the winter blues, big time! It's the season of second guessing choices and progress, of wondering if you are doing enough, if your kids are going to measure up. Well, I can honestly say, we are doing our best. And, quite frankly, am pleased with what I see. Sure, I beat myself up when I start the comparison game. But, I am proud of the progress we have made. What gets tough, is when I realize, that we need to add more. And God forbid, I hope it is NOT flashcards. But of course, you know it is flashcards! I mean, math facts are the bane of my existence! At least until the child learns them...which sometimes seems will NEVER happen. But I digress. Actually, if we are going to talk bane of my existence...we talk potty training. But I am not going to go there. period.

In other news...I have started making my own bread. (To be honest, that last statement is really just to help me feel better about my disorderedly large purchase...more on that later though.) That is...I am absolutely determined that I WILL bake the bread my family eats from now on. Don't ask me why. But I am a woman on a mission. i have made about 8 loaves of bread in the past week or so. Maybe 2 weeks. Of the 8, maybe 2 were edible. Seriously, two. I mean, how stinking hard can making bread be? I have scoured the internet looking for recipes. First, I was just getting well reviewed recipes, and trying to make them in my bread machine. Well, for those of you who know better, you can stop shaking your heads...I did NOT in fact know that there were different proportions for the Bread Machine. I do now. ANyway, finding 100% whole wheat bread recipes that you home-make, and want to turn out like light fluffy sandwich bread that doesn't taste like a cardboard box, is not as easy as you might think. I finally got my first loaf to at least "look" right. It tasted ok(a little dense and somewhat doughy). That's all. Ok. Well folks, if you know me at all, you know that telling me something tastes "ok" is about as equivalent as a kick in the teeth. I don't make things that taste "ok" and stand for it. Maybe that is why I am on a mission. I don't want to suck at making bread. And for all intensive purposes, I SUCK at making bread right now! Well, I think my next trick will be to try and knead by hand. I literally have NO IDEA what I am doing. Like instead of conversing with my human friends last week, I was looking up youtube videos on how to make bread. I have a problem. I "may" have ordered a 25lb. bag of organic whole wheat bread flour. And by "a 25 bag" I "MAY" mean TWO 25 lb. bags of flour. For those of you wondering if you read that right, yes, I did in fact, say that I ordered 50 lbs. of flour! 50 POUNDS OF FLOUR!!! I must think I am running a bakery. I don't even eat that much bread. See?! Crazy obsession. I have issues. 

Okay, my kids have a class we have to get to in the morning. And did I mention my baby doesn't sleep. No?  Oh well, there you have it...Mama is tired. Good night! Sweet dreams!

Crossroads

I have been homeschooling for several years now. About 4 years I guess. And I have definitely seen many blessings flow from it. Over the last 6 months +, I have been finding my patience waining. I am sure if you ask ANY homeschooling mom of multiple children, (and hey, probably those with only one or two), you will find at some point (maybe many points) they bewail the fact that their patience is in short supply, and that they are ready to throw in the towel. I know probably, everyone at some point or another, in their homeschooling walk, fires up the ole' search engine, and types in the local school's website, just to "see". Well, folks, I have found that I am thinking about it more often. Not because of the education my children are receiving, because, honestly, I think it is pretty good. More because, I am finding myself short on the "loving/kindness" that is so necessary for a nice home environment. This probably has less to do with the fact that I am homeschooling, and more to do with the fact, that I am lacking in some area, but nonetheless, it has me doing that fateful "search". I know, for you homeschooling moms out there, you say "It's nearly February, it happens to ALL of us around this time" "This is when burnout happens to us all...just push through". I hear you. I agree, but something definitely has to change. So that is the crossroads where I am. Standing here, at what seems like a possibly momentous occasion in my life. Do we look into the local Catholic School? Do we push through: "Make it work" as Tim Gunn would say. As I even consider these possibilities, I look fondly, but with some regret already at the time I "didn't appreciate" the gift it is/was to have my children happily surrounding me. I can't just snuggle down for reading time with them on the couch under a blanket. Did I miss out on what was right under my nose for these last four years. Is it almost gone? My heart will surely ache, if I have to watch their little uniformed figures disappear through those big ominous school doors. I will surely mourn the loss of my 8 year old playing house so sweetly with her 4 and 2 year old sisters, during the day. Of my sweet 6 year old son, playing puzzles in the floor. Do I romanticize how it has been? Probably. Do I remember the times when I may have raised my voice. For sure. Do I know that I will miss seeing them "get" something new, choosing their reading material, knowing what they are and, often more importantly, are NOT exposed to. Absolutely. My heart aches even now. During my discernment time, I am praying. I am seeking. I am asking, hoping to hear that not so quiet voice, telling me what to do. I believe so whole-heartedly in homeschooling. Why then, do I get so overwhelmed? Why do I allow myself to act in such a way, that effects our home life, even, perhaps, my marriage. I know God does not want me to be without peace. I also know for readers who do not know what homeschooling is and can be, and who do not share my ideals, may just totally NOT GET what this is all about. I do though. And it is about as big of a decision as I have ever known.

If you think about it, say a prayer for this mother who just wants peace in her home and life. I want to get it right. I don't want to fail my children, my husband. I don't want to fail my God. I don't want to "lose" my children to the "world" and look back and say "why couldn't I have just stuck it out.?" I want my children to know God on a personal and intimate level, and I don't want them to choose the world. I want them to feel loved by me, by God. I want them to grow up strong in their faith, and who they are. I don't want to hold on so tight to something unless I know it is what God requires of me. My prayer is to find out and do what God wants from me. If that is homeschooling, may his joy and peace fill my home. IF that is sending my children to school, allow peace to lead the way.

A Daybook for today

FOR TODAY
Outside my window...Today is an overcast kind of day. It seems like the clouds are gonna let loose at any moment, but it won't quite happen. I am seeing my little patch of garden growing bigger each day.

I am thinking...about my little Madeline, my wild child...who turns 4 tomorrow. She is a big serving of sunshine to our family. She easily brightens my day, and brings joy to my heart. She is so full of life and personality. I can't imagine how she is possibly 4 already. My mothers heart is trying to impress every detail of her smiley little 4 year old face into my mind, never to forget. Her toddler years are slipping through my fingers. If I could squeeze tight enough to hold on a little longer I would.

I am thankful for...A God in whom I can trust all aspects of my life. Even when I don't trust all too well. I know he holds me in the palm of His hand. "He knows well the plans he has for me" Jer. 29:11. He knows the tiny sadness I have at seeing my little ones grow up. He knows how happy I am to see them learn new things. He knows the daily struggles, and is there all the time.

From the learning rooms...I just finished up ordering the final things I need for the year(or does it never end ;) I am trying to figure out how to organize it all in a better way. I would like to have dedicated shelves for each child, and dedicated s

paces for creative things. We'll have to see how it will all turn out. Maybe I should take a before picture to motivate me...hmmmm?

From the kitchen...The crockpot is bubblin' away today. Yay for the crockpot. I am making a beef roast. I will serve roasted purple(how fun is that?) cauliflower, and grilled zucchini(one from my VERY OWN garden!!). Maybe I'll broil some tomatoes too.

I am wearing...A cute green sleeveless shirt and jean shorts, which have a hole that I need to put something behind or sew up. Bare feet. A ponytail.

I am creating...Wall charts for the school room.

I am going...nowhere. It is a blissful at home kind of day.

I am reading...Kristen Lavransdatter: The Wreath. It is good so far.

I am hoping...to have my schooling schedule for the year completed within 1 week. (eek--must. get. started.)

I am hearing...My dryer turning round and round and round. (what's new?) Also the voice of 3 little ones squealng in the basement.

Around the house...Laundry today.

One of my favorite things...Going to the library and picking out as many books as strike my fancy.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Celebrate my little girl's 4th Birthday.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Happy Birthday Little Girl...you bring joy to my life.

Up and Down

UP:
That title explains my life over the last few months. It was a whirlwind after Easter to prepare for Anna's First Holy Communion. I really can't believe that I haven't posted about it. It was one of the most special days of my own life, not to mention Anna's! The whole preparation process from the catechesis to the dress, was filled with special moments. We had so much fun deciding between dresses, and whether Anna wanted a flower crown or a veil. What her invitations would be like, how her party would go. It was all amazing. I will give you a picture journal, so you can follow.

Anna's Breakfast...idea courtesy of Catholic Icing.

She chose and designed this gorgeous Floral Crown

My Pure Beauty, innocent before God, ready to receive Him.

Her Mimi was able to come and it was a huge blessing.

This is Anna and her Cousin McKayla. The 2 were blessed to receive Jesus for the first time together.

Next UP:
The day after that amazing day, I found out I pulled out one of my Dollar Store pregnancy tests, took it, and Lo and Behold, I was pregnant! So many feelings and emotions pulsed through me. Believe it or not it was going to be a CHRISTMAS BABY!! So exciting. I was a bit nervous because of my health issues with the last pregnancy, but overall was excited. It was definitely the "sickest" 1st trimester I had ever had. As my son's 6th Birthday rolled around, so did my first appointment with the midwife. It was at my home, which is awesome by the way. I was in my bedroom with my oldest, and the midwife, Kathy. She went through the normal routine of asking all my history, then we got to the good part. Finding the baby's heartbeat.

DOWN: Anna was excited, because Kathy let her handle the Doppler. She held it on my tummy, and it took a solid 15 minutes, but we couldn't find it. So, Kathy calmly explained that sometimes, because of the baby being so small, the heartbeat is hard to find. I wasn't really worried, but opted to go for a viability scan/ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. Brian was out of town, so my SIL went with me...it was really an act of love, because she literally birthed her son the week before. I was glad she did though. We went in, and sadly, the baby did not, in fact, have a heartbeat anymore. It was probably one of the saddest days in my life. I wasn't prepared to see my sweet little baby(he/she had grown to 9 weeks--i was supposedly 10 weeks along) on the screen, yet so lifeless. I was willing that little light to start blinking, indicating a strong healthy heart. It wasn't to be. My little one has been flown on the wings of Angels, before me, to meet her/his Creator Face to face in the Glory of Heaven. It is a bit surreal to know he or she is there experiencing the wonders of Heaven. I take solace in that fact. I had to tell my husband over the phone. He was very calming to me. In his heart, he had known that our little one had gone before us.
Telling my children of this devastating news, was one of the hardest conversations I have had in my life. My 7 year old, was beside herself with grief. She knew in her heart something was wrong too, I could tell. She kept asking me about it(even though I kept it very light). She asked things like "How big is the baby today, Mom?" Did you see the baby at your appointment? Is everything okay? It was hard, but like all hard things, she got through it. She put the sonogram picture on her prayer table, and we talk of the baby on and off. Aidan takes solace in us having named the baby, and he asks for the baby's intercession.
I chose not to have the surgery, but to let "nature take its course." Little did I know that almost 2 months later, nature would still be taking it's sweet time. I feel like God is in control of this timing though. He knows our needs intimately. For his good reasons, it has taken this long, and I continue to wait upon the Lord. There are days, when those hormones are still raging on and causing so many emotions. And there are days, when I feel as normal as I ever do. ;o)
I hope to learn what it is God wants for me to learn in these days and weeks. I know I have missed some of the lessons, but hopefully not all.
"Lord you give and take away, you give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Blessed be the Lord!" (taken from a song based on Job)